ANXIETY HAPPENS

Am I writing this because I’ve had a couple of weeks filled with stressful back and forth with my aging parents and their issues? Am I starting to feel the crunch of end-of-the year school stuff, a daughter who is getting ready to leave for college in the fall, and another who is expecting granddaughter number three around the same time? Or is it just my old friend, my anxiety disorder, dropping by to say hello? It’s unknowable, really. If I had to guess, though…it might be the sandwich squeeze. But that’s another post for another day. Instead, here are 10 quick suggestions for showing that anxiety the door.

BREATHE

Yes, I know it sounds stupid. And believe me, when my therapist sent me to yoga therapy to learn how to breathe, a basically autonomic biological function that sustains life which we should all be fantastic at without consciously thinking about, this overachieving Asian perfectionist girl was pretty much humiliated. To put it in the Asian way, my face fell off. But guess what? I suck at breathing. I breathe shallowly a lot of the time and when I’m stressed I hold my breath. So, even though this guy was in my head

I tried to shut him up with some kimchi and listen to my breathing instructor. (And, yes, I could feel my family tree being uprooted, just like Mulan was afraid would happen.) I learned that just paying attention to my breath is a huge help. There is a fantastic app called Calm that has one of my favorite features: a breathe bubble.

It changes size as you inhale and exhale and the ring around the bubble moves so you know how long to exhale and inhale. I know. It shouldn’t be that hard. But it helps me focus on only breathing and nothing else. The app has a 7 day free trial and if you choose not to upgrade you still keep the basics, plus the breathe bubble. Which is pretty much the only thing I use on there.

GO FOR A WALK

I know this is also a no-brainer, but just getting out of the house or bed or away from the conversation that’s causing you stress while raising your heart rate for a minute is a game changer. And for some reason, walking outdoors engages our brains in a way that the treadmill can’t. We see the mountains, smell the air, feel the terrain under our feet, and can even touch nature as we walk. And if we can live without our iPhone for a minute, we can hear the sounds around us, too. Even 10 minutes is going to feel great!

MEDITATE

I used to think this was total garbage. But back to therapy. I learned that it is important to have moments of stillness, and awareness of my body. You don’t have to say “ommm”. I don’t say anything most of the time. And I don’t even like guided meditations very often. Sometimes if I’m anxious, that voice just makes me want to punch somebody in the throat. Which is counterproductive. So I just try to feel my legs on the ground, and my clothes on my legs, and my hands resting on my tummy, and just be aware of where I am in space. That I am supported by the earth and that I can relax. I guess this is more mindfulness than meditation, but whatever you want to call it, a few minutes can help me feel, dare I say, centered? And, no, I do not say “namaste” when I’m done. It’s more like, “Where’s the chocolate?”

SHUT UP AND DRIVE

Speaking of chocolate, sometimes it’s great to just get in the car and go for a quick ride. Windows down, tunes up, heading for Sonic or Fiiz, or just the Maverick with the really good pebble ice. Get in the car and get a treat! A mini getaway can be fabulous for your soul! This was supposed to be a picture of my minivan, but the only van pictures on pixabay were like the mystery machine from Scooby-Doo. So, you get me in the minivan instead.

MAKE YOUR BED

This one might also seem stupid, but we all need some clear space, not just in our minds, but in our physical environments. And there was a bestselling book by that Navy guy about it, so I think there’s something to this. If you make your bed, you will have accomplished at least one thing today. And who doesn’t love to get into a freshly made bed? I sometimes make my bed at the end of the day because I have a little anxiety I need to let go of and I know this is a quick solution.

GIVE YOURSELF A TIME OUT

This one is hard when you have kids. Or dogs. Or husbands. But set the timer for ten minutes, hang a do not disturb sign on the door, and tell everyone you’re in time out. Pick up a book, scroll through Pinterest, stare at the ceiling, practice calligraphy, organize your sock drawer, just don’t let yourself out unless someone’s hair is on fire. That’s the rule. Not the house. Their hair has to be on fire. Or a carotid artery has to be severed. Other than that, DO NOT DISTURB. I read about one lady who bought a plastic tiara and when she put it on, everyone knew it was mommy’s “tiara time” and they left her alone. That may not work for you. I need locks at my house.

TAKE A BATH

I would love to say this is my bathroom. Maybe one day. But I do love baths. And they are fantastic for relieving stress and anxiety. Just follow the rules above for ensuring some privacy. Or you might end up with one daughter running in to the bathroom to scream that the other daughter has hidden the chips and salsa and won’t tell her where!!!! This was, apparently, considered an emergency. That particular bath was not relaxing.

TURN OUT THE LIGHTS

I am a big believer in ambience. I love light. But sometimes we need to dim the lights and light some candles and let our senses relax. We are available and engaged 24/7 in our culture. When we were living in Alaska, in the summer my children had to go to their rooms, which had blackout curtains, a good 1 1/2 to 2 hours before I wanted them to fall asleep. Otherwise, their brains and bodies could not start producing the melatonin they needed to relax and fall asleep. Turn off the lights and sit in the candlelight for a few minutes. Or stare at the fireplace. It’s nice even without s’mores.

REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE

Call or text a friend. You know the one. You can tell them you are losing your mind, and they text you back: Who needs to die? That friend. The one who can make you laugh and can understand that you’re hurting even if they are thousands of miles away. I’m lucky I have so many of those friends! Or maybe I’m just friends with a lot of people with homicidal tendencies….Nah. I think we’re all just moms.

JOURNAL

I don’t mean you have to write in a diary for posterity. You can. But journaling is very therapeutic. It helps us clarify our thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I just write down everything I’m overwhelmed with and throw it in the trash. You can journal on secure apps, if you don’t want someone reading really personal stuff. Maybe just making a list will help you leave your anxiety on the page. Or just get on Facebook and leave really vague passive aggressive posts about no one in particular. That seems to work for a lot of people.

HOLD A BABY

If you don’t have one, borrow or rent one. These two delicious beauties are my grands, Penny and Lydia. Ten minutes with them can cure pretty much anything. I don’t know if it’s because they are so fresh from heaven or if they are just so delighted with life and haven’t “learned” what ridiculous things culture and society and school and everything and everyone will expect of them yet, but they are magical creatures who help me keep my perspective and send my anxiety back to wherever it came from.

If you were counting, that’s more than ten. What can I say? I’m still an overachiever! So here’s one more:

TAKE THE FREAKING XANAX, ALREADY

I believe in doing everything I can to help myself be well. That includes better living through pharmaceuticals. Sometimes, there are things that I know breathing, walking, journaling, and all the candlelit baths in the world are NOT going to be able to help. I’m finally at a place where I’m okay not being okay. That Asian guy up there? He kind of reminds me of my Grandma Lee. And, also, he’s wrong. Success does not equal worth. I have anxiety, but it doesn’t make me worthless, and most of the time I can deal with it just fine. But sometimes I’m not successful at breathing. Or stopping a panic attack. And sometimes I need medication and I’m not going to apologize for that. I’m going to be grateful that there IS medication and I’m going to take it. And then I’m going to take a bath and hope that nobody steals anybody’s chips and salsa.