We’ve all had them. Bad hair days. Bad mood days. The grouchies. Stressful days. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Getting a speeding ticket. An emotional meltdown of one of your kids—or sometimes, all the kids! Feeling like you are running as hard as you can and still failing miserably. Or just a full out Murphy’s Law day, where everything that can go wrong, absolutely will go wrong. How do you deal with those days?

The one major emotion I’ve experienced over this last month since eye surgery is frustration. I have good and bad days still, vision wise, and some days I am just dealing with an excruciating headache all day, because my eyes feel like they aren’t working in tandem, or working with my brain. I know from previous physical struggles, mostly pregnancy, that if you are dealing with some kind of physical trial, it’s very easy for your world to shrink to just you and your pain. Or nausea. Or how many times you are going to have to throw up before bed. Or how many months until this baby shows up and I can quit puking 10 times a day.

I don’t want my world to be only about me! Mostly because there’s just so much going on in everyone else’s lives, and I want to be part of that. Also, I don’t want to be selfish. There’s too much selfishness out there already. This really is the selfie generation, and if we’re not careful, it could become a selfish generation. Being selfish makes me grouchy, and unpleasant to be around, and exacerbates my depression and anxiety. Plus, it’s no fun!

One thing I’ve been trying really hard to do to prevent this is asking myself this simple question:

It’s a simple question. Sometimes, I pray about it. Sometimes, I just try to think about what people in my life are going through and what I might be able to help them with. In the past, I would probably put together a fun care package, or bake, or do something more elaborate. But I’ve been a little limited, physically. And honestly, Target, my happy place, is one of the hardest places for me to go right now! The fluorescent lights are not kind to my eyes/brain.

So I’ve had to simplify. Right now, service looks a lot like me texting someone to check in on them. Or buying (gasp!) a baked good that didn’t come out of my kitchen and dropping it off. Or sending someone flowers. Or calling a friend to chat. It’s been really good for me to be reminded that service is not just homemade casseroles or cakes, but it’s really trying to connect with someone. Maybe it changes their day, maybe it doesn’t. But it changes MINE. Because instead of focusing on “me, and my stuff, and my issues, and did I tell you I have some stuff going on-but enough about me, let’s get back to ALL my stuff!” Instead of all that being the focus-instead, I flip the focus outward. I flipped my game! (shoutout to you GOOD GIRLS fans.)

This doesn’t just come in handy if you’re recovering from PRK surgery. I find this useful in lots of other circumstances. Feeling grouchy when you wake up? Serve someone. Had a fight with your husband? Buy him his fave treat and write him a note about why you think he’s great. Teenage daughters got you on the mom-coaster? Make their bed for them. Dog pooped on your bed again? ….I got nothing for that one. Is pet euthanasia considered “service”? Let’s try that again-dog poop in the bed? ….still coming up empty. However, you can see this works in 99.999% of the scenarios you’ll come across.

And here’s the big thing, you never know when your small service will have a huge impact. Like the story I shared in this post. But honestly, some of the smallest things have made a huge impact on my life. When we lived in Oklahoma, one of the cute wives in our squadron lived down the street and around the corner from me. We passed each other about 20 times a day, running kids around. EVERY time, without fail, Kimberly would wave and smile her darling smile at me! I cannot tell you how many times she lifted my spirits and completely changed my trajectory for the day with that one simple gesture. It cost her nothing, and yet her smile and wave was a reminder that I MATTERED. That someone saw ME. She shared her light with me and I wish she could really know what a difference it made! She also just sent me the cutest little package in the mail, just because! That also made my day!

So here’s a list of six, almost free ways to serve someone today:

Pray? Yes! Pray for someone. I usually have a huge list of people I am concerned about. Does prayer really change things? HERE is a fascinating scientific study that was done specifically on this question. It makes for interesting reading, and whether you are a person of faith or not, the results are compelling. I have found praying for others helps me focus on everything and everyone else, and my mountains become molehills. So prayer changes ME.

I think “Thank You” are two of the most underused, underrated, and under appreciated words in any language. Gratitude is a commandment. We need to be Grateful in Any Circumstances! That link will take you to a fantastic talk about gratitude. Expressing your thanks for anything to anyone on paper gives it weight and substance that a simple text doesn’t have. So send some happy mail!

So

These beauties are my two youngest girls and two of their cousins. Look at all that love and joy in that cousinly smush. Hugging releases oxytocin, which helps us feel connected. But try doing it for at least twenty seconds for the full effect. I’m going to be honest, this one is hard for me. I don’t like to be touched, I have a giant personal space zone, and I’m too impatient most of the time to really give a good hug. But I’ve been trying this lately, and it is a better hit of good hormones than the tiny hits of dopamine that come from seeing a “like” on a post.

Admit it. One of the BEST things about a hotel is the clean sheets and plump pillows! And that the room is clean and free of clutter. Give someone else that lift by taking ten minutes to make their bed. Take it up a notch by leaving a chocolate on their pillow! 🍫

This NEVER gets old. Getting the car in getaway position, choosing a runner, making sure you don’t step in a gopher hole and break a leg, and then ringing that bell and running like your hair is on fire! It’s a mini workout/good deed all in one!

I’m shamelessly taking advantage of this adorable picture of our newest grand, Micaiah. How can you NOT smile back at her! Also, refer back to my experience with my friend smiling at me every day. It makes a huge difference for me. And hopefully, I don’t look like some demented clown or a serial killer when I’m smiling at others.

So there you go-a magical question that turn your day/attitude/life around. But if anyone has a quick pick-me-up (haha) For after the dog poops on your bed, please let me know!!!